Splitting the cost of the wedding.

Posted on January 31, 2012 by Liz

You can easily go on line and find numerous lists of what the bride and grooms parents are traditionally responsible for and what costs the happy couple are expected to take on for themselves.

It is also clear that as more couples are waiting to wed until they are well established financially, the old guidelines do not need to be so closely observed.

If you are reading this, you are probably already spending time trying to make some sense of what to expect from your parents, and what they might be expecting from you.

Unless you are just finishing school or have just landed your first job, the idea of Mom and Pop covering all expenses is probably a bit unrealistic.  More and more established couples want the latitude to make important decisions about their weddings which comes with taking on more of the cost of the wedding themselves.

So how do you figure out what is affordable and who will help with what? The first thing you need to do is come up with a basic guideline of what you really want in the way of a wedding: How extravagant? How many guests?  How big a reception?  What type of location?

Get those ducks in order and then its time to talk to both sets of parents, present your vision, let them know what you think (realistically) it will cost and then ask if they would be able to help you out.  Don’t ask for a specific amount of money and don’t ask for an immediate commitment.

You may find that you will not be able to have the wedding you have been dreaming of based on the financial help your parents can provide.  Be gracious for whatever help they can give you.  With a little downsizing and a few adjustments, you can still have a day you will always remember, and no one will feel the poorer for it.

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2012 Coconut Grove Bridal Expo

Posted on January 17, 2012 by Liz

If you haven’t already made plans to attend the 2012 Bridal Expo at the Cocoanut Grove in Santa Cruz, there is still time to get it onto your calendar.

This year the Expo is on Sunday, January 29 from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. The fashion show will take place in the spectacular glass ceilinged Sun Room overlooking the Monterey Bay.

This is a great opportunity to check out Santa Cruz area caterers, florists, and everything that you might need for your wedding.

So mark the date, grab a few friends and mom too, and head on down for a fun and informative day by the beach.

Visit http://cocoanutgrovesantacruz.com/public-events/bridalexpo/

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Matching Shoes for Bridesmaids

Posted on November 27, 2011 by Liz

In a perfect world, all your bridesmaids would have perfect feet, between a size 6 and a size 9, all of medium width and none of them would have bunions, hammer toes, problem arches or black and blue hikers toes.

But this is not a perfect world, so before you select what you think is just the right shoe for all your bridesmaids, be sure to check in with them first.  Are there any comfort issues; are they all used to walking in 4 inch heels; does the shoe you love even come in their size?

One simple solution is to request a specific color in a range of suitable styles. If you request basic black, white or silver, those should not be too hard to find.  If you want a specific color such as emerald or pale blue, see who carries dye-able shoes in your area or on-line.

If you let your bridesmaids pick their own shoes, they will probably end up with great looking shoes that they will wear again.  Keep in mind, however, that if one of your girls typically wears only Crocs or ankle boots, you might want to see a picture of the shoe she selects before you give the go ahead. This is a simple request that you can ask of all your bridesmaids without offending anyone.

I have provided a link to a very complete site that I think you will find helpful at: http://weddings.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Bridesmaid_Shoes

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Tips For The Pregnant Bride

Posted on October 2, 2011 by Liz

It is not unusual for modern couples to start a family without deciding to get married first, and the number of couples doing just that is increasing.  Attitudes about marriage have changed quickly and dramatically in the last few decades.  Whether you find yourself unexpectedly pregnant for the first time in the middle of making your wedding plans or you and your beloved have three children and another on the way, pregnancy does not mean you must either rush into a quiet private wedding or apologize to anyone for your choice of lifestyle before deciding to say “I do” in a formal setting.

Planning a wedding is a big deal for any bride-to-be and even more challenging for the expectant bride. So here are a few things to consider as you set your sights on the big day.

Do your homework.  Will the officiant you hope to use or the organization that runs the location you prefer for your wedding, especially if it is a religious site, object to your very public, (and obvious) declaration of love in your condition? Get that taken care of before you lock in your caterer or send invitations.

Can you wear white?  You bet your butt you can.  The symbolism of white representing virginity for the bride is still a fairly recent concept and falling out of favor fast.  If your cousin Sophie can wear white for her third wedding, why shouldn’t you?  Then again, if you think white is boring, this is an excellent opportunity to wear a gorgeous gown in a great color.  Like seafoam, maybe. Well, maybe not.

Consider a shorter ceremony.  With little Emily doing back-flips on your bladder, you could find yourself requesting a time-out for a pit-stop in the middle of your officiant’s surprisingly complete rendition of how the happy couple first met.

Think comfort.  How big (and I do mean BIG) will you be by the wedding?  Take a look at your pregnant relatives or ask them how much weight they put on for their pregnancies.  Use that as a guide.  Be sure your dress will have enough room for both you and the baby to be comfortable.  And don’t forget the shoes.  Be sure the shoes you pick are still comfie at the end of the day when your feet may be a bit swollen.  If you really must wear the sexy, high-heeled strappy shoes for the ceremony, consider having a pair of soft flats for the reception. Sore toes do not make good dancing companions.

These are just a few things to think about.  With the right planning your wedding day can be the joyous event you have been dreaming of. Here are a few sites that you might find helpful:

http://www.wikihow.com/Enjoy-Your-Wedding-as-a-Pregnant-Bride

http://maternityandstyle.com/chat/blogs/the_scene/archive/2010/05/22/3839.aspx

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Inviting none of your co-workers to your wedding.

Posted on September 18, 2011 by Liz

First of all, if you are not planning on inviting any of your co-workers, or just a few,  to your wedding, there should be no problem if you handle it properly.

Sometimes co-workers assume that they are going to be invited to the weddings of their fellow staff members, especially when the office staff is small.

As soon as a wedding is mentioned, people just get excited, and often assume that the topic has been brought up in front of them because they are to be invited.  Hoping that you can avoid knowledge of, or discussion of your upcoming nuptials is futile.  Everyone is going to know.  That’s just the way it goes.

When the topic first comes up, be honest about who is, and isn’t being invited.  Don’t simply state that no one from the office is being invited.  Let your fellow workers know what constraints you face when making the guest list.  Your budget, the size of the venue, the number of relatives and close friends you are expecting, and your own desire for a more intimate experience are all factors in limiting your guest list.

Be gracious enough to tell them that you would love to have them all at your wedding if you could have an unlimited guest list, even if that’s not completely true.  That will go over a lot better than simply implying that you don’t like anyone at the office enough to invite them.

If you want to invite just a few co-workers, they should be the people you have become close to and socialize with outside of the work place, who you consider to be good friends.

Wedding invitations should be mailed to the home addresses of your invitees.  Handing them out at work smacks of handing out birthday invitations to your friends in the 4th grade at school.  There is no good reason to make anyone feel like they are being omitted even if they would never have expected an invitation.

If you really would invite some or all of your office mates, given no limitations, consider having an informal get together at your home when you return from your honeymoon.  Have your wedding album available to share and serve light refreshments, or if you wish, champagne and cake.  They will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

And yes, you do have to invite them all, even the creepy guy in the third cubicle.

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The Little Black Bridesmaid’s Dress

Posted on July 31, 2011 by Liz

I had the pleasure, just recently, of having dinner at Chaminade in Santa Cruz. While my husband and I were waiting for the rest of our party to arrive, I noticed that a wedding ceremony had just finished up on the Courtyard Terrace.  The wedding pictures were being taken with the backdrop of the Monterey Bay in the distance.  I wandered over to take a closer look as soon as I realized that the two bridesmaids flanking the bride were wearing black.  Cute, knee length, strapless black dresses.  But still, black.  And they looked fantastic.

So what turned simple black dresses into the perfect summer bridesmaid’s gowns?  Accessories.

Both the bride and bridesmaids were holding summer bouquets, filled with orange, yellow, hot pink and chartreuse flowers. The flowers stood out against the black dresses, and could have been overwhelming if it weren’t for the bridesmaid’s accessories.

Each of the ladies wore a silver beaded necklace, with a silk rose pendant. One pendant was hot pink and the other chartreuse, echoing the colors in the bouquets. Upon closer inspection, peering over the low hedge between the dining room patio and the Terrace, I saw that the bridesmaids were wearing shoes to match the pendants.  Those bright flashes of color, from the shoes and the necklaces, turned a basic black dress into the perfect dress for a summer wedding.

The bride was beaming, the bridesmaids were giggling and everyone looked gorgeous.

So, if you are thinking of black for your bridesmaids, go ahead and dive in. If you theme their accessories to the season they will look great.

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The Money Dance – Is It Appropriate For You?

Posted on July 24, 2011 by Liz

The money dance, or dollar dance, is a dance set aside for the bride and groom to dance with as many of their guests who wish to and to give the couple an additional gift of dollar bills, either pinned to the bride and groom’s clothing or placed in a special purse or bag used for that purpose.

Traditionally, the money dance has been a means of giving the couple extra cash to get started on their new life together, to be spent for the honeymoon, or as a means of wishing the couple good luck.  The interpretation depends in large part on which cultural background the bride and groom’s families come from.

If this tradition has been a common occurrence at weddings you have attended for family and friends, then you can safely assume it is an accepted tradition and you can plan one for your reception without feeling awkward.

However, if this is not the case, be aware that if you do a money dance at a reception where your guests are not familiar with this concept, you may be putting your guests in the uncomfortable position of suddenly being expected to donate cash to the bride and groom in addition to the wedding and shower gifts already given.

If this happens you will be putting some of your guest in a bit of a pickle.  If your godfather arrived at the reception with nothing smaller than a $50 bill in his wallet, then he is in a spot.  Does he quietly extricate himself from the room for an extended visit to the men’s room, or does he make an unexpectedly generous donation that he hadn’t been planning on?

An alternative, if you are simply hoping for more face time with your guests, is the “thank you” dance, during which guests who wish to can line up to dance with either the bride or the groom for a brief time, during which you can express to them how much you appreciate them coming to your wedding.

So before you dive into new territory, be sure to get some advise from friends and family about the appropriateness of the dollar dance.  Extra cash is always nice, but not at the price of alienating or embarrassing your guests.

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The Not-So-Traditional White Wedding Dress

Posted on June 28, 2011 by Liz

Although it is “common knowledge” that wedding gowns have been traditionally white, that tradition is more recent than most of us realize.

Until the Victorian era the wedding gowns of European nobility and the very wealthy were a way to display the wealth of the brides family and could include silks, furs, lace and heavy jewelry.

Less well off brides commonly wore a new dress that could be worn again, or their “Sunday Best”.

The tradition of the white wedding gown really got started when England’s Queen Victoria married Prince Albert in 1840.  Her all-white gown was a departure from the usual in several ways. Not only was it all white, but it was also intended to be worn just once.  This quickly became the preferred option for high society brides on both sides of the Atlantic.

The middle class did not embrace this idea until after WWII when greater prosperity made such extravagances more acceptable.

We are now seeing a change away from the all-white wedding gown, although it continues to be the most popular choice.

Many white gowns now include colorful edging, bright sashes and embroidery.  Some gowns are offered in a range of colors from palest ivory to bright red and even black.

So if the all-white Victorian style ball gown just doesn’t appeal to you, there are lots of options for you to step outside of tradition.

Here is a link to a collection of more colorful wedding gowns:

http://www.google.com/images?client=safari&rls=en&q=colorful+wedding+gowns&oe=UTF-8&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&ei=mXUGTdyQKozksQPTq5GUBw&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=2&ved=0CEEQsAQwAQ&biw=1042&bih=981

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Selecting Your Veil or Headpiece

Posted on June 6, 2011 by Liz

Veils, headpieces, tiaras and wedding hats come in an amazing array of styles, shapes, colors and degrees of formality.

The first rule for selecting a veil or other headdress is very simple: Select your wedding dress first!

It is easy to walk into a bridal shop and immediately fall in love with the glittering tiara or feather-trimmed cap displayed at the front of the store.  But you are there first and foremost to find the perfect wedding dress.  Everything else, the headdress, the shoes, the jewelry, even your hairstyle needs to be matched to that one perfect dress.

Once you have the dress selected, get creative.  You may have come into the shop believing that what you preferred was a simple tiara. But if it doesn’t work with the dress you will need to find the right item that will flatter you and the dress.

A shimmering gown may not need a shimmering veil.  A simple A-line dress may need a dressier headpiece or veil to set it off.  There are lots of possibilities and a wonderful array of combinations of dress and headdress.  Be open to suggestions.

Your selection should not outshine either you or the dress. Whatever you select let it act as an accessory, something that helps bring attention to what your guests have come to see, the smile on your face.

Here are a few links you might find helpful:

Choosing:

http://www.ehow.com/how_4636_choose-veil.html

http://www.wedding-veil.com/how-to-choose-a-veil-old.html

Images:

Headpieces: http://www.marysbridal.com/headpiece.htm

Veils: http://www.google.com/images?client=safari&rls=en&q=bridal+veils&oe=UTF-8&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&sa=X&ei=HB9tTbGmJYumsQOKjPW5BQ&ved=0CFgQsAQ&biw=1051&bih=986

Tiaras: : http://www.glamgal.com/tiaras_pg4.html

Hats: http://www.google.com/images?client=safari&rls=en&q=bridal+hats&oe=UTF-8&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&sa=X&ei=8R9tTcYZj_a2A6HYya4F&ved=0CFIQsAQ&biw=1051&bih=986

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Grace under fire…surviving small catastrophes on your wedding day.

Posted on May 22, 2011 by Liz

You may imagine that everything will be perfect on your wedding day.  And why shouldn’t it be?  You’ve planned every detail, your checklist is completed and everything, including the planets, seems to be lined up just right.

Well, guess what?  Something, somewhere will go wrong.  And how you deal with those little disasters is going to determine whether you sail through the day with your head up and a smile on your face or end up in tears, sure that your special day has been ruined.

First off, no matter what goes wrong, your friends and guests don’t really care.  They are there to celebrate your wedding, not see a grand performance.  And the little things that go wrong, if handled well, can provide some of your best wedding stories.

The possibilities are endless.  So, be prepared.

Something rips loose:  Breathe. Have a small sewing kit available to repair buttons, hems, trim, sequins, tuxedo seams, whatever could possibly come apart.

Aunt Becky gives you a big smooch when she arrives, and suddenly you are wearing her lipstick on your cheek: Breathe. Have a small make-up kit nearby for quick touchups.

The flower girl throws up.  Breathe, but not too near the flower girl.  Hand her off to her mom and do without.  No one will mind.

You get the idea. Relax, be calm, and don’t let circumstances rain on your parade.

Once you are at your wedding location, let go of responsibility.  Make sure you have a couple people on hand, preferably not in the bridal party, who are willing to run interference and quick errands such as checking on the caterer, finding your deodorant, or the groom, or whatever else you need.

And once you start walking down the aisle, breathe…. and really let go.  This is your moment and the one that your guests have come to share.  Nothing else matters.

Here is a link to a list of just about anything you might need to get you through those wedding day challenges:

http://www.whathappensnow.com/articles_show.cfm?id=50&cat=8&sub=1

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